You Think I'm Crazy But...

It's 3:45 am and I'm not sleeping. There are much better things I could be doing right now.....like watching television shows from that I taped from earlier tonight. Last Comic Standing is quality reality tv just because I like comedians...a lot...Phil of the Future (yes I seriously watch it) because Phil is hot anddd wait for it, wait for it, I really like it.

Today was probably one of the worst days in quite awhile. There's no need to explain because anyone that's important already knows what's happening and why would strangers want to read my thoughts anyway? I mean, if you want to know what I'm thinking, you could just be my friend and ask me.

Friends are complicated nowadays though so I don't think I need too many. Francesca came back from California. I'm so glad she did because I'd probably being crying in a corner right now if I didn't talk to her tonight. I don't know what I'm going to do without her when she leaves for college.

I want a cigar now. This is not good.

People who are reading this, you need to see The Door In The Floor. Go rent it from our local library...if you live in my town.

I went to the beach with Samantha on Sunday and I got a very strange sunburn and it won't really fade or anything. My body is all different colors basically. I think I'm going have to go tanning even though I don't want to get cancer. It's really strange though.

It's Stephanie's birthday. She's 20. It makes me want to cry kinda. 20 sounds so old but it's really young, I guess. Maybe I'll figure it out when I'm 20 but for now, I'm just not. It is almost my birthday.

Almost everything I've written is completely random.

I don't want to live in this town anymore. I want to move to a different country where no one knows anything about me and I don't know anything about them and everything will feel brand new. It's not called running away, it's just an adventure.

I don't really want to be a writer anymore. I'm horrible at writing and it's very hard work. I want to be a nanny now and I think that's because I'm too lazy to be a teacher. So many people want to teach and I don't want to be like them. Is that stupid? I hate school too though so I don't want to spend the rest of my time in one.

I should stop thinking about the future so much.

I didn't do anything today except go to work. Irene was back from vacation. She's my new Denise. I love Denise more though. Irene talks to herself and she's too classy for me. Denise was at my level...... and more motherly. Yeah I sound crazy but if you knew Denise, you would miss her too. I don't miss Dunkin Donuts ever though. I miss working with people my age who sometimes happened to be cute though. And I met Fran at work so I guess it wasn't all horrible.

Every day, people become more and more disappointing. I can't change anyone but why is everyone so disappointing? I'm not saying I'm perfect..I know I must disappoint at least one person every day but I don't know anymore. I'm beginning to feel hopeless again. I just want to be happy and easy to get along with but I don't agree with what's going on most of the time and I don't think it's right to go along with something just so it's easier for everyone. Sometimes you have to disagree. I really don't know what to do with all of you. Help me out.

Everything is going to be different 5 years from now so should I really worry about everything going on in the present as much as I do?

That's what I'll leave you strangers and friends to ponder with.